In order of consumption:
My metabolism feels like it’s on a rage. Or I’m prego.
Last Friday, someone said to me: “You suck at giving hugs.”
Physical touch is not very big in my household. There are three hugs I give every year: Mother’s Day Hug, Father’s Day Hug, and Christmas Hug. I don’t remember the last time I gave a full frontal hug to either of my sisters. I usually go for the side-hug. Oh the side-hug… my attempt at avoiding chest and groin interaction usually results in an awkward armpit to shoulder rub, finished off with an awkward pat on the back.
Ugh.
The thing is, I actually like being touched and touching people. There’s something really, really nice about human touch. I realized coming back here to Austin after an amazing weekend home that I had not partaken in any physical human touch for almost 2 months. There have been plenty of handshakes around the office, but I don’t want to abuse handshaking and be the weird intern who shakes your hand for just a little too long…
I LIKE TOUCHING PEOPLE! When my inhibitions are completely wiped away with adult beverages, I find myself wanting to touch everyone. An instinctive desire for human touch comes forward and it is insatiable. I stop timing the number of seconds a hug lasts. I stop worrying if I’m hugging too lightly. I stop thinking about where my arms should go and which side my head should fall. It all becomes so easy and natural. For the first time in my life, I felt the urge to kiss a female friend. When that thought occurred, I freaked out and thought it was a dawning of a potential college lesbian phase, but then I realized I just felt that verbal loving and hugging weren’t enough to express how much love I was feeling at the moment.
I need a hug. And a cuddle buddy.
Damnit, Jackson. Why do you have to be so far away?
I thought I was really happy in Austin.
I have a great job at a corporation that totally takes care of me. I have a really productive daily routine that consists of working, cooking, working out, and folding origami (all activities that I truly enjoy). I even have a lunch buddy at work who isn’t 10 years older than me. For the first time ever, I have time to watch TV shows and already finished all seasons of Fringe and Dexter. I go shopping every weekend and people watch in one of the weirdest, most interesting cities in the US. I’ve never been more healthy or lived as comfortably as I have this summer. What am I complaining about?
I went home for a weekend. Damn you family and friends. Thank you for reminding me of the happiness and sense of fullness that human company brings. We are not meant to be lonely creatures… On paper, I am on the fast track to a successful life. I’m confident that I will successfully land a nice job after college. I’m proud of my accomplishments, my paycheck, and my ability to lead a productive life. I’ve succeeded in learning more about myself and about my profession this summer. So much success, yet what I feel every night right after eating dinner by myself in an empty house is restlessness.
Grocery shopping with my mom, skyping Jackson with my dad, borrowing clothes from my sisters, eating dimsum at Golden Buddha, getting a haircut at my favorite salon, reconnecting with childhood friends at a classic Asian potluck, celebrating Samson’s 21st birthday… I really could not have had a better weekend!
I love my family and friends. Seriously, I’ve come to appreciate you guys on a whole new level.
I’m happy in Austin. But I think it’s because I know my internship will be wrapping up in a month. As much as I love adventure and seeing new places, it’s been a while since I’ve had people around me for more than a few months at a time. I miss Arizona. I miss having the people and places I love and am most familiar with around me. I plan on filling up my Arizona meter as much as possible before graduation, because who knows where employment will take me!
I do believe this past weekend has also sparked a fervent interest in going out… it’s like I’m that college freshman that just realized how much fun college really is. I guess the big pro in realizing a few years late is that I’m now legal. :) I’ll try my best to live up to ASU standards.
One of many memorable moments this past weekend:
(Translated from Chinese)
Dad: You’re going out again tonight? Wasn’t Samson’s birthday party yesterday?
Me: No, that was more like, you know, him turning 21 at midnight…
Dad: Ooh like a warm-up. Okay, you should take a nap.
I love my daddy <3
St. Paul is really quite beautiful.
“Land of 10,000 Lakes” is a understatement. The north part of Minnesota is half water! I went to St. Paul with full intentions of disliking all that is not Southwest/West coast. I told myself that 3M will have to try pretty hard to sell me the twin-cities. Arizonans are not fond of weather. I am inexperienced at season changes and snow. And what’s with all the water??
Ah, but water makes things like grass and flowers grow :) And a sunset over a lake is almost as pretty as a sunset over a desert. Ironically, 3M did try really hard to “convince” me that St. Paul is great and that I should really “consider 3M” post graduation. LOL how about you consider me as a worthy candidate for one of the few coveted positions on your Global Strategic Sourcing team?
Some people are really, really bad at money management. Met an intern up in St. Paul who was like, “God, I love having a job and getting paid! Since I started working for 3M, I’ve bought everything I’ve wanted! I totally stopped thinking about money!” Uuhh… hope you don’t turn out to be the kind of person who makes monthly payments on things like sofas and overpriced infomercial products. I’m fully appreciating the steady inflow of income and making investments in nice work clothes and organic produce. I plan on gifting myself with plane tickets aplenty :D That’s you (Helen, Sharon, Lisa, Samson, and Jackson) I’m smiling at!
19 DAYS. I am too excited to even explain how excited I am to see Jackson!
VERY Interesting Tidbits:
I thought the longhorn symbol looked familiar…
UT Longhorns! Duh!
A day has yet to go by when I don’t see something longhorn related. Be it bumper accessories, lanyards, reusable tote bags, or (I kid you not), child sippy cups, so many people here express their UT pride. Orange is one of my favorite colors, but I’m not sure what my feelings are towards burnt orange…
Texan pride is even more ubiquitous. For some reason, I recognized the Texan flag. I see more Texan flags than USA flags. It took me a long moment to remember what Arizona’s flag looked like.
For some reason, I assumed all Texans were on the large side and ate relatively unhealthy “southern” food. It may not be all of Austin, but at least my part of Austin, people like shopping organic and healthy! Wholefoods is always packed with people! Fortunately, the cafeteria at 3M has a pretty nice salad bar and healthy sandwich choices. Every time that I’ve feel like getting something sweet, I look at the dessert section and change my mind. I don’t know what the cafeteria baker thinks every time he or she makes desserts, but man he/she has got to learn portion control. The brownies are the size of bricks and some cookies are as wide as my face. I call them “brick brownies” and “face cookies”. lol
I came across all of the dance videos that CAA posted on YouTube the other night, and nostalgia hit me like a tsunami. I miss dancing almost as much as I miss teaching it. I have yet to decide whether or not I want to continue teaching when I return to Arizona.
Also surfed YouTube for some award winning Chinese dances. This girl has the most impressive leg extensions:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poN4Tbb7zlQ
And I also love this Uyghur dancer! He’s too adorable! And such clean, light feet:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBAtVEW7XVk
Interesting Tidbits:
Minus the slight addiction to watching Fringe, which in turn disrupted my initial plans of finding friends, my transition to Austin and my first week at 3M was a success.
Corporate housing’s note that “Everything will be provided for you in your temporary housing” was a severe understatement. Not only am I freed from the responsibility of finding a house/paying rent, 3M decided to throw in everything else I could possibly need. I walk into the kitchen breathless… A new 5 piece stainless steel set of pots and pans? How about a flowery glass butter dish? Oh yummy, a wine opener! And a set of 4 cloth napkins and table mats in my favorite color! Aw, who wouldn’t need a 16 piece knife set with enough steak knives for 7 guests!
I also definitely need 2 patios, 2 TV’s, 2 walk-in closets, and a 2 sink bathroom. Silly corporate.
This whole set-up was such a shock compared to the transition that was made in China when I relocated for my internship there. I don’t even know where to start in the comparison. I don’t even want to compare my first week on the job there to this past week. Chinese coworkers are nice and all, but they don’t like to talk, are overly engrossed in work, complain every chance they get, and treat interns like children. American coworkers are so nice! They take you to lunch, give you magazines and brochures of where to go, stop by at your cubicle just to chat, and enjoy sharing their experiences with you. *tear* I <3 America…
I like Austin. Though people here complain about the weather, I find it to be rather temperate. Not as hot or as dry as AZ. Plus lots of trees, lakes, and wildlife! And hippies. Apparently, it’s where the cool people live in Texas. Cool as in relatively liberal and educated. Wholefoods and Farmers markets aplenty! I’ve only explored a 5 mile radius around my house… I have yet to go downtown and check out the UT area!
It gets lonely at night. Fortunately, I got to bed early so there’s only a couple of hours when the sun goes down. I am happy that this is only temporary, because I don’t think I’m quite ready to commit myself to one location and one company right now.
Interesting Tidbits:
In the past 9 months, I have developed immensely as an individual. I was confronted with issues that I was never challenged with back at home, and they made me
realize more about myself through my own solidification of my beliefs. New experiences and challenges shaped a more mature, appreciative, bold, tolerant, and complete Carrie. I’ve learned how to be and how to accept who I really am. I now know that I don’t have to be someone I’m not just to fit comfortably within a crowd or relationship.
Once upon a time, my life was stagnant and everything was routine. I was too apathetic and overly compliant. I wasn’t unhappy with that life, but I also wans’t truly satisfied. I had too little time, too few real friends, and a little too much on my plate. I had ignored too many questions, too many desires, and too many confrontations. A large part of this ignorance was due to my overly compliant nature. I conformed to those around me and never wanted to cause conflict. More than ever now, I am addressing this personal flaw. If I do fall back into routine, it has to reflect who I am and who I want to be.
In some ways, I now feel at peace with myself. Breaking free of personal and surrounding constraints has been a liberating experience. A large part of this development is credited to Jackson. I’ve avoided writing much about Jackson, due to individual sensitivity issues, but I would like to share my appreciation for this man.
Simply put, Jackson is a soul mate.
Eat, Pray, Love soul mate definition:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.”
I don’t think I could come up with a better definition. There are probably a handful of soul mates out there for each and every one of us, and I was lucky to meet and even luckier to get to know one. Jackson was the most unexpected thing that happened in China. I am so thankful to have had the chance to study, live, and travel with someone who makes me a better, more complete person.
So, thank you Jackson, for making this year abroad something special.
Also, I’m back home for a couple weeks starting May 23rd. Who wants to get Chipotle/Froyo/In’n’Out/Mido Sushi with me?
75% of me wants to stay in China. I have a daily routine, weekend plans, and am starting to make friends. I can make spontaneous weekend trips and impulsive stops at Haagen-Dazs right next door. I live in an upscale apartment complex six floors below Jackson. I’m starting to familiarize myself with where good eats and hot spots are in Shenzhen. I have plans to improve my Frisbee game on Sunday afternoons. And… fresh, sweet papayas are only 2.5 kuai each.
25% of me wants to return to the US. I miss family and friends. I miss driving, cheese, snowboarding, and dance. I want to be around people who speak my mother language and understand my culture. I want to be back on a college campus and have the flexible schedule and opportunities of a college student.
Regardless of where I want to be, my plane ticket to PHX is already purchased, my 3M internship awaits me, and my senior year is yet to be completed.
With all requirements except upper division SCM classes met, my academic focus is now a fraction of freshman and sophomore years. I plan on completing my honors thesis quickly and efficiently as possible. With extra time on my hands, I want to join a ballroom dance club, meet new people, mentor younglings, and teach dance privately. In a way, I see the closing of CAA as a blessing, as it was an unmoving part of my life routine since I was 15. As much as I loved teaching at CAA, it was a burden to be on time and prepared for class, to be energetic and healthy, and to be available every Sunday. Now that I’ve tasted what it feels like to work 40 hours a week, I want to savor my last year in college and give myself more free time/me time. As a 21 year old, I want to explore Arizona’s nightlife and live up my last year as a fulltime student to the fullest.
Studying, working, and living abroad in China was a life changing experience. I’ve seen, heard, tasted, felt, and (mostly unfortunately) smelt more in the past 7 months than in the past 7 years. The old Carrie lived a life of academic pressure inside a small box encased in supervision and familiar routine. I had few spontaneous moments, and a few too many anxiety attacks. China was an open door. A lax semester in Nanjing gave me, for the first time in my life, space and time to think, reflect, and just be myself. Before coming to China, I never did much self reflection or develop as an individual. China placed me half a world away from my family, friends, church, and community. I had never tasted that kind of fresh air before. (lol figuratively that is. For what I know, China does not have fresh air.) It’s intoxicating, and, frankly, I’m afraid to lose it. I won’t be able to fall into the mold I left back at home, which worries me as much as it excites me. I made the sad realization a couple weeks ago that most of the people I hung out with freshman and sophomore year were more my ex’s friends than my own. The few that I became close with are or will be done with ASU by the time I’m back.
Sadly, none of those closest to me will be in Arizona. Fortunately, I planned out my fall schedule so that my weekends start at noon on Thursdays. Weekend trips!
A huge thank you to those who have kept in touch with me the past 7.5 months. It’s hard to schedule around classes/work/15 hour time difference, which made every video chat/email that much more enjoyable!
Things I will consume in great quantities upon my return:
Frozen yogurt
Cheesecake
Guacamole
Blueberries
Cranberry juice
Hummus
Turkey
Fudge
Sourdough bread
Pumpkin pie
Cheese
Tropical Skittles
In’n’Out
Chipotle
Mido Sushi
Daddy’s cooking
Yummers
Week 2 at Avnet was approximately 100 times better than Week 1.
I am now used to 7 hours of sleep.
I am becoming used to sitting in a cubicle for 9 hours.
I’ve figuring out the fastest/least frustrating way to get to work and home.
Best of all, I’m getting real work to do!! Real assignments and projects that actually make a difference at Avnet!
So I opened up Excel and to my dismay, everything was in Chinese. Not only was I to finish my first task by noon the next day, I was also supposed to do it while trying to navigate Microsoft Office in Chinese. It sounds like an easy switch over, but I tell you my friends, it was not. What used to be the “View” tab is now “审阅”. I’ve never seen the phrase审阅 before. And that’s the easy part… every time I utilize Excel’s more complicated tools, I am struck again and again by mental outbursts of “OMG!” and “WHY?” So, taking work home for the first time, I happily worked til 1:30 am figuring out how to specifically format the y-axis while the numerical values were in a 24 hour time format.
*high five to myself
I have also made the realization that work kind of sucks. Last semester, I was blessed to have a really open schedule. I could sleep in, take private ballroom lessons, and go out multiple nights a week. I had a large pool of peers to make friends with. I didn’t have to look far for organizations and fun events to be a part of. A college campus is awesome, and I haven’t really appreciated it til now.
I’m so excited to return to ASU! Young, active American people! I have only a few classes to take, which means I can take dance classes and join ASU’s ballroom or swing club! NUMA, I miss you! I can’t wait to get involved, mentor some youngins, and live amongst young people! Being young and alive is such a beautiful thing! I am so going to enjoy my senior year and make the most out of my last year as a student!
I had my fill of physical activity this weekend. Badminton and ultimate Frisbee. One incredibly Chinese sport, and one very western sport! As I’m improving my Frisbee skillz, I’m liking the game even more.
I really miss female friends. I just want a girls night out. I want someone who I can get ready with before hitting the town. I want someone who will watch chick flicks with me while eating baked goods. Unfortunately, Chinese girls are, well, Chinese girls. The fun and active ones are usually spoiled and slightly obnoxious. The nice ones are usually overly cutesy and romantic. The ones that my age are usually immature and needy. Or they are a combination of all of the above. Not all Chinese girls are bad though… my housemate last semester was pretty awesome. She would probably know what’s happening in the middle east, unlike most of the women in China.
After month 6 in China, I’m starting to miss America. But I’m not quite ready to leave yet!
Interesting Tidbits: Chinese bus drivers are amazing. They dart through rush hour traffic like minnows in a pond. They can get in and out of stops even when there are a hundred commuters crowded and anxiously waiting at the stops.
Chinese kitchens need to be equipped with ovens. I just want to make some cookies… and maybe a cheesecake… and some banana nut muffins…
Chinese people like to take naps during lunch break. The lights go off and people bust out blankies, pillows, and even a collapsible cot. It’s pretty cute.
